you eat my moni but you dont want to show me: South Africa’s Blessers.
Here in one of my favourite countries, South Africa we encounter a new player, sorry - I meant a phenomenon known as the "blesser."
Here enters the ring, a new take on contemporary relationships, pushing against conventional ideas of love and companionship, especially as what we perceive in the "west."
This cultural phenomenon, surfacing around 2015, found its stage on social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. A "blesser" isn't a mere sugar daddy; it embodies an older, affluent individual, often male, generously bestowing financial support and gifts upon a younger romantic partner—the "blessee." This dynamic, reminiscent of the timeless concept of a sugar daddy, was so apparent from the getgo that it even had me discussing it with everyone, the notable age differences and financial imbalances sparked concerns about potential exploitation and inherent power dynamics but also the girlies were loving it, who was benefiting and was it all equal? Does it even need to be?
During my five weeks in South Africa, I delved into the intricate layers of the "blesser" phenomenon, peeling back societal expectations, materialism, and the delicate dance between individuals navigating these unconventional relationships.
And then there's polygamy here, a legal and culturally embedded practice in South Africa. The Recognition of Customary Marriages Act recognises both monogamous and polygamous unions, painting a vivid picture of the diverse relationship structures within the country. It's a stark departure from the European penchant for monogamy, unless you find yourself in Berlin.
As I delve deeper, I uncover the fascinating parallels between the accepted structures of polygamy and the contemporary dance of blessers and blessees. It's a unique power play, laden with societal perceptions and a spectrum of acceptance.
Nomazulu Singata, a graduate from the University of KwaZulu-Natal, gives us insightful research into the attitudes and motivations behind these relationships, particularly among students. Her work unveiled the challenging circumstances faced by female students—poverty, unemployment, peer pressure, and gender inequality. The study highlighted both positive aspects, such as financial support and education, and negative consequences, including gender-based violence and health issues.
South Africans have gifted us with words like "pantypreneur" and "tenderpreneur,". The "pantypreneur" is a woman navigating the business world with entrepreneurial savviness and a strategic use of femininity—a term laden with controversy. And "tenderpreneur," this term resonates in South African business, especially in government contracts, signifying the balance with politics where individuals leverage political influence for lucrative contracts. This phenomenon isn't exclusive to South Africa; it echoes in political landscapes worldwide.
In these circles, men who've scaled the peaks of success, radiating financial prowess and the knack for orchestrating a life of opulence, find themselves not just admired but subtly revered. The nods of approval from ‘the boys’ become a form of currency, a sought-after endorsement within a community that venerates materialism and financial triumph.
As these accomplished guys ascend the ladder of success, the allure of being surrounded by beauty does something for the mind. It's not a mere external admiration; it's an internal validation—an acknowledgment of their achievements in the eyes of society. The beautiful companions aren't just accessories; they're symbols of a lifestyle attained, testaments that their climb hasn't gone unnoticed. This visual showcase extends beyond boardroom victories, revealing their ability to curate a world where aesthetics, luxury, and success seamlessly intertwine.
In this realm, the presence of these women isn't just decorative; it's a proclamation—a silent declaration of achievement and status. The psychological boost comes from recognising that success isn't confined to professional domains; it permeates personal relationships. It's a curated exhibition, a living manifestation of the elite lifestyle they've meticulously crafted.
You made it boo. A beautiful girl likes you back. And I’m not trying to be cheeky, I get it. But does it stave off the pangs of loneliness, well - that's a tale for another newsletter into the uncharted territories of the human experience.
I’m just a girlie at the bar observing this drama unfold, I can't help but find it intriguing. I wonder, if I were in their shoes, how would I navigate such a relationship? Am I just playing second fiddle to wifey, or am I meant to simply know my place in society? Do they themselves know their place? Is someone here getting played? Or is it a level playing field?
This extended exploration mirrors the essence of travel—where the initial allure gradually reveals the cracks in societies, exposing what's real. This journey exposes this dance of survival in this dog-eat-dog world. It's simply humans navigating the complexities of their existence, being human, and ultimately, it boils down to one fundamental truth: humans just wanting. That’s it my friends.
The track I’ll leave you with you with today is System by Dave FT Wizkid.
Love,
Rez x