It’s That Time of the Year Again: Rez is Reflecting

This year has been intense—it turns out you can fit a year into ten months but it’s definitely hectic.

Since coming back in March, life has been a whirlwind. I’ve been traveling a lot, visiting various places, while balancing my day job styling food Monday through Friday. On top of that, I’ve been running Roti Mami almost every single month—there’s always been demand for it. It’s been a non-stop nine months, leaving little time to sit down and reflect.

picture by Rok

Looking ahead, I don’t think things will slow down next year. In fact, I already have so many plans and I’m genuinely excited about what’s to come. Strangely, despite the chaos, I’ve found a real sense of contentment as the year winds down.

When I first returned, I was processing some deep heartbreak and intense emotions. Oddly enough, that experience turned out to be healthy for me. It reminded me that I can feel vulnerable and connected—something I thought I’d lost. For a long time, I felt like an icy, untouchable person, someone nobody could break through. But experiencing that “love bubble” for a moment and feeling all those emotions was refreshing. It made me consider possibilities I hadn’t thought about before.

Coming out of that phase and diving into what I jokingly call my "bad summer" was chaotic but it led me to where I am now—feeling strong, happy, and deeply appreciative of the stability and good things in my life.

I’ve also discovered an unexpected fondness for where I live. Berlin still isn’t my favorite city but there’s a strange comfort in it. Yesterday, while driving to a friend’s house, I passed streets adorned with Christmas lights, the Christmas markets, fairy lights twinkling everywhere and it just felt so cozy. It reminded me to cherish the smaller moments, it was lovely you know.

Though I might not love Berlin fully, I’m not struggling here. I have my day job, I run Roti Mami, I live in a beautiful, quiet, safe area and it all feels stable. I think I’m in a comfortable space and now I’m focusing on the next steps—elevating my work, my writing, and myself as a person. I’m trying to grow without confining myself to any one “box,” and that feels really liberating.

This year, I feel like my relationship with my mum has grown stronger and better, which has been really meaningful. At the same time, I’ve gained a much clearer sense of what I want in a partner. I’ve always had an idea, but this year that vision has solidified. I know now that I won’t settle for anything less than what I truly need. I’ve prioritized the qualities that matter most and let go of things that don’t. It’s been empowering to stop giving time, space and energy to people who don’t add value to my life. At the end of the day, all I really want is peace and I’m finally in a place where I’m honouring that.

It’s funny but I feel genuinely happy right now—even in December, which is usually marked by cold, miserable weather. Instead, I feel super content. My friendships have also deepened in ways that are really fulfilling. I’ve gained a better understanding of what I need from my friends and which relationships I want to invest in—the ones that feel like family. This realization has been such a positive and grounding experience for me.

I’m also proud of how I’ve handled everything this year. Balancing it all—work, personal growth, and relationships—while staying true to myself has been a big achievement. One of the most empowering moments was standing up for myself at my day job. For a long time, I felt like my soul was being crushed by people who made things unnecessarily difficult. Finally speaking up and asserting myself felt so liberating. It made me wonder why I was ever scared to begin with.

Yes, there’s always the chance they might try to quietly fire me or push me out in some subtle way. But honestly, I feel confident that I’ve done nothing wrong and I have no regrets about standing up for myself. It’s so satisfying to realise I can speak my truth and hold my ground and the fact that it’s working just reinforces that.

Overall, I’m happy, at peace, and excited for what’s to come. More power to those who embrace their truth and fight for what they deserve—it’s definitely worth it.

Hindsight is such a powerful thing. Lately, I’ve been looking at life through this lens of asking, Does this really matter in the end? It’s made me more intentional about appreciating what truly matters to me. I’ve been taking moments to reflect and find joy in these things and mindfulness has been a recurring theme in my thoughts.

I keep going back to this memory from Japan, around April or May. One morning, I got into a taxi to go buy a chef’s knife—a moment I was so excited about. The concierge team at the hotel called the taxi for me, opened the door and off I went. While in the taxi, I started taking selfies because the seating was so beautiful, with this intricate crochet detail. When I looked back at the photos later, I noticed something incredible: the concierge staff were still bowing. The car had already driven out of the hotel’s vicinity and yet, they continued showing this act of respect.

That level of mindfulness and intention really struck me. It’s such a stark contrast to what we often experience here in Germany or even the West in general. There’s this deep sense of care, thoughtfulness and respect that many of us don’t take the time to express. That memory has stayed with me, inspiring me to create a similar sense of mindfulness in my own life—taking a beat, slowing down and asking myself: Is this necessary? Is this what I need? Does this make me happy? Moving in that direction has been incredibly grounding.

Reflecting on all of this makes me realize how much I’ve built for myself and how content I truly am. I’ve created a life that feels good and meaningful. And I should be proud of that. Despite how hectic this year has been—living what feels like a full year in just ten months—I’ve made it through. I was away for the whole winter, came back in March and still managed to achieve so much.

So here I am, saying to myself: I feel good. I’m not going to beat myself up about anything. This is the way I want to keep moving forward. If I ever feel alone or uncertain in the future, I hope I can look back at this and remind myself: Rez, you did this. You built this life. You made it through. Well fucking done.

The track I’ll leave you with today is Praise Jah In The Moonlight by YG Marley.

Love,

Rez x