Good Men Are Bored (abroad).
I have been single-handedly entertaining the group chats, entertaining both the girls and sometimes the guys, sharing stories, and offering advice to the amazing women about the opposite sex.
I travel a lot, and at some point, I figured it would be fun to go on a date in a random country. A local can show you around, giving you a genuine experience from their perspective. There's something really exciting about dating someone who doesn't live in your city—you can truly live out your delulu fantasies, and at the end of the day, it's a holiday, it’s meant to be light and fun. And if anything, you’ve got another great restaurant recommendation.
Before I start, I want to say that I am serious about dating in a meaningful way. However, I've also spent weeks on end travelling, and what better way to understand a place than by dating its locals? It's like an anthropological study of men from different countries, and it always makes for a hilarious conversation topic.
Some men have had excellent training; you can tell they've been with strong women or have them in their lives to show them the ropes. Recently, a date stood out because it was so thoughtfully planned. It's a story I often share because it is not only hilarious but also comes with some fantastic restaurant recommendations. My guy friends think this is his MO, by the way, so you let me know what you think.
I get a message asking, "Hey Rez, you free Tuesday (all day)?" and I'm like, "Depends... What's the plan?" He gives me the rundown, and mind you, I'm not from here, so I love a good plan. He organises a pizza date, but not just any pizza date—it's a tour, a bonanza, a whole day affair.
He picks me up from the newly gentrified part of Harlem. He lives in New Jersey or Brooklyn. I can't remember, but it was far away from me. Anyway, he picks me up, opens the car door—all that chivalry stuff—and we're on our way to the first place. He gives me a rundown of the history and tells me it's one of the only coal oven pizza places left in the city. We go, we have a lovely time. The pizza is honestly 10/10.
He asked me to ask for the bill because I was facing the restaurant, and he was, well, facing me and a blank wall as we were deep in the restaurant by the kitchen. I don't know why I got nervous, but I literally asked the very first person who came by for the bill, and this dude doesn't even work at the restaurant. He's a construction worker who's come in to use the loo. I didn't clock this straight away, and my guy is like, "You know he doesn't work here?" We're cracking up laughing; I was convinced my date thought I was stupid, but we move. As we walked out of the restaurant, the construction worker was there, and he goes, "Did you get the bill okay?" We laughed and said sorry.
We jump in the car and make our way to Brooklyn. This is pretty much an hour drive, so we're chatting away, and he's a great storyteller. He's a comedian, so he's hella entertaining in this small space we're in. We're playing each other tunes from the past—I'm showing him grime; he's showing me punk rock. We're vibing.
We get to the place in Brooklyn, and we're cracking up over something I said that he misheard—British accents are apparently hard to decipher in America. He thought I said, "There’s your fucking chicken," pointing at a saucy chicken pizza because earlier he bragged about knowing the best spot for buttered chicken. Again, the pizza is 10/10, totally worth the trip. Now we're heading back to Manhattan, and he decides to kick it up a notch.
He says, "Hey, I’ve got karaoke," and shows me the screen on his car. I’m like, "Hell no. I hate karaoke, especially when it’s just us in the car, sober!" But he insists, plays a track, and says, "Your part is the Drake part." I’m mentally trying to figure out how to exit this moving car, which is crossing the stunning Brooklyn Bridge.
The track is "Moment for Life" by Nicki Minaj and Drake. Please listen to this track as you read this, it makes it that much funnier. He starts belting out the Nicki part with all the enthusiasm of someone who wrote the song himself, and then turns to me for the Drake part. I absolutely cannot. I mean, I just can’t. He’s really into it, singing like he’s in a concert, and I’m dying inside, thinking, "Americans are not real people." Why do they always act like they’ve got a camera on them? No one is filming us babes.
He gets a bit upset with me for not joining in, like I ruined this epic film-like moment for him. He drops me off and asks if we’ll do it again. And kind of went in for a kiss and I was like noo, this aint it. I just look at him, and he goes, "Oh no, was it the karaoke?" I tell him yes, but I’m down to be friends. He’s obviously not thrilled but says, "Okay, sure." And that’s it—Damn that was the last time we saw each other.
It’s kind of funny because this week my guy friends asked, "Is he your friend though, Rez?" And I’m like, "Wait, are we friends?" My guy friends taught me something valuable but also a bit messed up this week—how to test my friendships with my male friends. One of them said, "Call it a test if you will, and here’s what you need to do." I’m not about to dive into how you figure out if your male friends are really your friends here, but ladies, if you want to know, hit me up and I’ll DM you. Because I was shook.
And it's so crazy because when we talk about the top qualities we want in a man, humour is always up there. We say it's so important, right? Yet, here I am, faced with a hilarious guy whose literal job is being a comedian, and I just can’t do it. There was honestly nothing wrong with him—he’s great, successful, seemed pretty serious, age-appropriate, and I can definitely see my family liking him. But he’s just not for me.
This kind of continued throughout my sabbatical; there’s no shortage of good men—jobs, charm, humour, the whole package. But there’s always something missing, which is why we either end up as friends or never make it past the first date. But it’s all good because we dissect it in the group chats, and it’s pretty hilarious.
It feels a bit like exposure therapy—getting to know different types of guys who seem to have varying degrees of understanding about women. Maybe it’s because I’m the one setting the stage and have certain expectations, but it’s always an interesting ride. Most of my close friends are guys, and I was always tight with the male members of my family, so take that as you will.
From meeting a guy in Yoeville for a supper club in South Africa to exploring exclusive hidden coffee shops in Bangladesh, and the ever-changing cast of supporting characters in my life who pop in and out—it seems like this is about all I can handle right now with my somewhat busy schedule.
Please don’t confuse this with holiday romances; it’s not the same. I’m sure I’ll get to them at some point. This is a series of first dates, brief encounters, and just a few hours spent together, leading to the inevitable conclusion: I don’t see a long-term future with you.
I have a soft spot for Americans, especially New Yorkers. They’re so extra and nothing like the boys I grew up with—almost unreal. I’d say they’re way more polite than Brits when it comes to joking around. We Brits can really push the limits with our humour, layering our jokes and going on and on. American humour, on the other hand, is just delightfully silly and full of big characters. We’re all about self-deprecation and sarcasm, which I also love because I appreciate that subtlety. But New Yorkers? They’re just so positive and high-energy, which brings a whole new dynamic. And honestly, it’s okay if you miss the joke. They’re so outspoken in a very upbeat way—like I’ll be walking down the street and random people, both men and women, will say, ‘I love your dress, mama!’ I’m like, ‘Omg, thank youuuu!’ I miss you guys.
So let's just say this is the first instalment of my series on first dates abroad, where I explore the quirks, humour, and deep cultural differences of dating locals while travelling. Some of my friends really call it the Rezman Show, so yeah, I’ll be sharing some of the stories and adventures filled with amusing anecdotes and insightful observations that I've shared in these group chats.
And my mate this week was asking, Why? Good men are bored? Well—
For me, it seems like even the men who check all the boxes—good jobs, charm, humour—still find themselves in these meh, routine dating scenes. Why? Maybe it's the lack of a deeper connection, mismatched expectations, or just the sheer monotony of modern dating. The title "Good Men Are Bored" invites you to ponder why these seemingly perfect guys are still out there searching. Am I the problem? Are they the problem? lol.
On the flip side, the so-called soft boys, fuck boys, and lover boys are having a blast. They’re not weighed down by expectations or looking for anything serious. They’re out there enjoying the thrill of the chase, the excitement of new encounters, and the freedom of not being tied down. For them, dating is all about fun, spontaneity, and living in the moment. We’ve seen enough of those dumb reels saying, "Dating in this generation be like having the most romantic night of your life and never hearing from them again."
My friends and I often discuss dating, especially during my sabbatical when most of us were single. I've come up with a theory: We have too many options now, and as a result, people don’t commit to each other anymore. It seems like we’re constantly swiping and scrolling, but we don’t really choose each other and stick with it. My friend pointed out that, given the diverse experiences and lifestyles we have, finding "the one" has become much harder. And let’s face it, who actually wants to put in the effort to make it work? I feel like most people reach the end of their madness and then they just pick someone and that person might make up 70% of what they originally wanted in a person. Anyway it makes for an interesting conversation.Â
The track I’ll leave you with today is The Weeknd, Madonna, Playboi Carti - Popular.
Love,
Rez
so who is this comedian 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Only you could look that good eating a sloppy slice!